Self employed motherhood lessons so far
—- Me and my baby at home last year, mid photoshoot for a great new bottle brand! Photo by Liz Seabrook.
When we welcomed our daughter into the world in late 2018, I was at a crossroads with my work, and I found it difficult to separate myself from my then business Lamplighter London - which took up a lot of my headspace before it was consumed with breast pumps and awake times. I was sort of in limbo for a bit, whilst I sorted out what to do with my new artistic endeavours, then add a new baby into the mix who quite disliked sleeping, and breast feeding troubles. But I soon embraced not working and eventually just started making some artwork which was refreshing. After the dust had settled things sort of fell into place organically - as they seem to when you let go.
But I’m totally figuring it out as I go, and it has not been all rosy. It was a chicken and egg situation with childcare, we don’t have family on our doorstep, and nursery is eye wateringly expensive, especially when you aren’t going back into a salaried job. And relaunching my studio, feeling a bit out of the game and not sure where I wanted my career to go, were all things I was dealing with. I had to reevaluate everything, and I finally feel better for it.
Here are the five most important things I’ve learned so far about working for yourself, and being a mother.
Working around nap times is really hard. I had grand visions of putting the baby down, jumping on my computer with a coffee, getting all my shit done and carrying on with my day when she woke up. It rarely, if ever, worked out like that, the reality would be that she would wake up after 20 minutes and then I would get extremely stressed out about not achieving anything. Proceed with caution.
A strong routine is necessary if you plan to work for yourself. Boundaries, nap times, lists, responsibilities. Plan out the week in advance. Boring, boring, but so essential and actually a year on, quite liberating for time and mind. Figure out what you can actually achieve that day. I was really bad for making mammoth to do lists I would never get through and then feel a bit crap. Slowing down is difficult if you’re used to the fast paced all encompassing life of a business owner, and structure is essential.
Surround yourself with likeminded people. Most of the mums I was hanging out with in my maternity period were going back to a job after the break, and did not share the same issues I was facing (they were ace women and we shared many sleep deprived, wine filled afternoons laughing at ourselves). So I proactively befriended some local self employed mums, and together we set up a monthly meet up where we make something, drink wine and discuss work and our babes. It’s magic, I love them.
Give 100% to your baby when you’re not working. Likewise, give everything to your work when the baby isn’t there. Make the most of every minute.
It’s important to look after yourself and your mind. As a mother your head is pulled in so many different directions, the mental load is so exhausting, and you can’t do everything. I have to make time to shower (I know - a luxury), stretch, meditate, shop, read interiors mags, do a class, book a pedicure - things I like. My husband does the early shift with the babe - every day - so I get a tiny window of peace to get ready. Sometimes I start work at 7am, sometimes I go back to sleep, and I think either one is ok. When I started factoring in things for me it made a huge difference to my mental wellbeing.
I’m working on having the right balance, spending time doing things that I really want to and that matter the most. We’re all doing our best and somehow we all manage it. Because women are bloody awesome!